An Unfortunate Turn
by shadowwind
Summary: Fate oft gives us no warning to the turns in life which befalls upon us... Back after a short wretched termination.
1. A Worrisome Prologue

**Real disclaimer and author's note: This _is_ a fanfiction. It is being made in good fun **(and with love and care)**. Do not take this seriously…** unless you like being mocked in the most _wretched_ way possible. The 'Miserable Author's notes' are me playing around with said idea. It is not reality but a way to make this sound 'legit.' I do not really have anything of Lemony Snicket and please do not ask me. Also if you do review (which I hope you will), **_please be kind_**: for if you give a little kindness then you will receive a little kindness. 

**Spoilers: **not sure…

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_**A Worrisome Prologue**_

My name is Tea Gardner and this may come as a shock but I don't want to be a ballerina anymore.

Perhaps it was the broken down studio, that shady talent agent or perhaps the fact that I am miles away from home in a very dark, and sadistic land without any idea how to return. However I am most convinced that a certain Count is to blame and I do believe that whatever cheerful rendition I spoke of in the past cannot help me now.

You are probably wondering what could possibly happen to me that could bring about such a dramatic, gloomy and perhaps lamentable change of view…

Before I go on I think it's best to warn you of the dreadfulness of this tale: If you do not like stories that has not an ounce of happiness in the end or a variety of nasty horrible things happening then perhaps you should leave _now_.

In fact I am quite positive that somewhere close to where you have discovered this tale is quite possibly many stories based on different realities in which I will end up in a cheerful situation by either ending up with Yami, Yugi or even Seto Kiaba. Believe me I would give anything to end up working for Kiaba in another story than be in the middle of what has transpired here in reality in a short and terrible time span.

If in fact you can handle it then by all means please stay for I need someone to speak to about the many woeful events I have witnessed.

Now let me get my memory in order since it feels like I have been away for longer than I really have been. I should probably start in the beginning with me.

Believe it or not I am 20 years old as of today and before I came here I was a bright eyed, naive girl who had a lot to learn about the complexities of the adult world. I was head over heels for a friend I _knew_ I could never have and too stupid to realize that perhaps I was putting a strain on my group of friends.

Now I did have good things about me. For starters back then I could see into any gloomy or dreadful situation and find any ray, glimmer or even glint of hope. I was a good ballerina in my class and though I kept the talent away from most of my classmates I was still quite proud. I was able to participate in varsity cheerleading and I managed somehow to keep straight A's through the many adventures that Yugi managed to get my friends and I into over the years.

Now my best friends were all guys, starting with Yugi, then Joey and Honda.

Yugi was the guy I always felt comfortable around even though he was (and still is) the cleverest, wisest and perhaps the most famous duelist the game of Duel Monsters may ever know. His wizardry of the cards seemed unparalleled due to the many escapades that he had endured.

However his mastery did not end with the greatest card game known on earth. I have never in all of the journeys I have stood by him seen him not master a game. Perhaps it was the fact that he lived with his Grandpa that lived in and owned a game shop that held every game known to man or the simple fact that his was an inclined gamer since he was young but I had yet to see anyone more talented.

Whatever the reason for his talents Yugi never acted like a child prodigy; in fact I did not know how truly gifted he was till around the 11th grade. Being very short for his age probably did not help much either. He was picked on and teased a lot and somehow miraculously he became friends with two guys no one would have expected back then. Two of his worst tormentors: Joey and Honda.

Joey was the dullest witted of the group but that did not stop him from turning his life around so completely during the time we knew him. He had the toughest background then most guys his age in our school.

Joey is a son of an alcoholic father who gained custody of him when he divorced his mother. There had been suspicions of abuse but no one said or hinted about it. Joey used to be in a gang when he was younger but proved that even he was too tough and smart for such things.

Through reasons I am unaware of Joey, Honda and Yugi became close friends through some type of altercation. However I believe it was Joey who initially started the friendship.

So it is no surprise that it was Joey who became the second ranking duelist in the world. Perhaps it was their friendship or perhaps just the simple lessons taught to Joey through the journeys that he faced with Yugi.

While Joey became Yugi's right hand man Honda became a knight in shinning armor in his own right. Whenever something was not right and the rest of us didn't know it was Honda that warned us first and tried his best to rescue those trapped in whatever danger that befell us.

I don't know much about Honda, as I would like to say I do. All I know is that he had basically the same background as Joey, rough and dangerous till he befriended Yugi. He still tried to look as tough as he could just as Joey was beginning to raise and gain experience in Duel Monsters.

The differences between Joey and him were that Honda was an average duelist and that he had a weakness of being around girls. It took a while for him to settle down around girls and that didn't happen till he had somehow hooked up with Joey's sister Serenity.

Now these three I have just described were my closest and dearest friends. They would have helped me in whatever endeavor I needed their help with…that is expect when it came to one thing.

Yami.

He is a very special person that to this day gives me warm sensations down my spine coupled with a pang in my heart.

I cannot say the true relationship between Yami to Yugi because of a promise I made since I met him, nevertheless let me just say they are closer than anyone may suspect.

Now I never regarded Yami as a close friend rather I saw him as an interest, someone I wanted more than anything. It was the way he talked, the he walked, the way that he could hold a room hostage just by his mere presence that I wanted him.

Unfortunately he never sought to return any affection I wanted him to have for me. Instead I treated him like a friend even though in the very center of my heart I wanted every inch of him.

Oh my! I am dreadfully sorry I am going off track. Now where was I …ah yes…

If memory serves correctly it was in the middle of senior year that everything started, just two days shy of my 19th birthday.

Now before I proceed you can still hit whatever button you need to escape this story and read a happier, more cheerful tale of a cheerleading, love mushy, awe inspiring Tea or of a heroic, and clever nail biter of a story about some strange new journey.

…

…

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Don't say I didn't warn you…

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_Miserable Author's Note:_

The preceding account is for your benefit for it contains a more slimed down version of my previous explanation (before the story was regrettably terminated for a season):

You all know me as shadowwind on this web site.

I had for a second time decided to work on my story The Iron Dark when something extraordinary happened… I confess that "extraordinary" is not the right word. What happened was more unfortunate than anything else. You see while I was on location on a setting I wanted in the story when I happened upon an unusual sight.

Behind a broken down printing press factory I found a metal footlocker that had taken a severe beating. There was not one side of the box the looked like it did not have a dent.

I peered into the footlocker only to find it was bare except for one small diskette in a case cover with the following words written on it: **_Of No Extreme Importance--- Really_**. I found the item of attention quite curious and was about to leave with it when I noticed under my feet was a horribly soiled, muddied and slightly burnt piece of expensive paper. I wouldn't have given it much notice if the gold trim not caught my eye. Deciding it was if importance I took it home as well.

For upon cleaning it up I became alarmed and delighted that the author of the letter was none other than the mysterious and very famous (or is it infamous?) Lemony Snicket!

My cautious joy was short lived however as I accessed the contents of the disk and became quite alarmed when I read the warning that was with the material. I feel it is quite unnecessary and harmfully alarming to repeat it in this account. It would suffice to say that is a terrible warning.

It would also appear that this manuscript was clear in the beginning of it's manifestation that the book publishers may not at all wish for this account to be brought to any light what so ever. Thus the reason for the attitude of which this manuscript reads.

Now before I continue I must specify that at this time each group of pages are highly encoded and would take a considerable amount of time to decode. Please do not be alarmed if you do not hear from me for long periods of time for I have to take every precaution necessary. Note as well that I may also take a little bit longer looking for a safe computer to upload each valuable piece of data.

Thankfully I have enough at this moment to give to you one more "chapter." Now before you proceed I must give you amble warning that what you have read and may read on is an _eyewitness_ account of several horrible events. In no way, shape, or form is this one of Snicket's manuscripts per say for even though there is a little bit of a touch of how he writes, this is merely a manuscript of an eyewitness account that he (Mr. Snicket) helped to bring into manifestation.

Please if you do not wish to read anymore of the following horrible and terrifyingly nasty account with all sorts of evil and treacherous events please leave at once and read a better story that ends on a fairy tale note.

Thank you for your patience and understanding,

Shadowwind

Psychotic side note: please note that my computer crashed because the manuscript was time sensitive and if what had been decoded was not stored somewhere were it could be accessed then the manuscript files turn into a rather nasty virus. If something is horribly wrong with the posted chapters please **email** me so I can fix it. I rather not have my computer crash again.

Post psychotic side note: because of the misfortune of this story being deleted I cannot properly thank those that have voiced their concerns about this manuscript. All I can say is thank you for the friendship but why are you reading this terrible story?

Preverbal post psychotic side note: the next chapter seems to have a very terrible account a waits involving some sort of accident with a car.


	2. Green Death

_A miserable author's note_: I must regret to inform you this is not my doing nor do I own anything that appears to belong to someone else.

It is also my regret to inform you a most regrettable event occurs in this chapter than I thought was possible and it involves a hit and run of wretched portions. I also really, and truly regret that you have read this far into this story.

Again to those who reviewed so long ago but had their concerns regrettably deleted (along with the manuscript for a season) I say to you thank you. I also ask the question: Why are you still reading this terrible story?

You can still turn back…

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**_Chapter 1: Green Death_**

I was in the middle of my class learning about a wildly complex series of equations when an assistant to the guidance office came into the room. I was being asked to go to Ms. Crumble's office at once and upon hearing this I was a little nauseous.

The reason: Ms. Crumble can and often does out do me in cheeriness that even I had a hard time believing if the woman was for real.

As many are aware cheeriness does not necessarily mean happiness nor does it mean everything is hockey pokey. In fact too much cheeriness will land you in a place in which there is white everywhere and the walls are heavily padded.

Even with this knowledge I was extremely worried because I felt that I had somehow got in trouble for something.

As I walked into Ms. Crumble's office I was hit with the oddest and highly torturing song ever recorded in human history.

For what was playing in the pink stereo system amidst the pink and white décor and various stuffed animals was a song sung in high octaves with what sounded like birds in the background. How on earth she obtained it and found it enjoying to this day I cannot fathom why…

"Ah Tea! Please, please, please have a seat," said Ms. Crumble as soon as she saw me in the doorway.

As I remember her now she was a stalk and lanky middle-aged women with a pointed chin and smashed nose. Her fire red hair looked more like someone put a feather duster on top of her head.

The one thing I remember the most about her was the one thing that had truly disturbed me, and that was her smile. For she was able to stretch her grin so much it looked like it was stretching off her face and reaching to the back her head. It was intriguing and unsettling to look at all at the same time.

I sat down on a large pink sofa across from her red oak desk.

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yes I did."

Ms. Crumble's voice was very high like she heard some juicy gossip she wanted to share with me for some reason. She leaned forward in the chair like she wanted me to look into her mud colored eyes.

"It appears you have been keeping a secret from everyone…"

"What kind of secret?"

Ms. Crumble leaned back with a mockingly hurtful face while her long bony hands started to slowly twist a small bunny doll that was on her desk.

"Oh the kind of secret that should be shared with peers and perhaps the _school_…"

Her emphasis on school made me nervous. Lately the school got cut from some government programs that would have allowed some money and programs to flow in. I look across to the exasperated woman as she slowly began to unconsciously twist the head and neck of the bunny doll and gave her my best look of confusion.

"A talent agent called the school today asking about you because of your recital you had a couple weeks ago…"

"What?"

I was shocked and livid. Most good talent agents would contact the residence not elsewhere…it seemed improbable but at that particular moment I wasn't thinking about that but how I was going to do damage control.

We sat in silence in for a small moment while the stereo continued to play the grossly happy song over and over. It was about to repeat for either the fifth or sixth time when she finally continued.

"He was most interested in your talents and amusing track record of pervious work."

I remember now thinking, 'Great, I haven't made it to Broadway yet and already I have a stalker.'

"What I find most interesting is that the school and I have to find out about a talent such as yours from a man such as him."

She leaned forward in her chair again making sure she had eye contact with me as she continued to wring the poor doll's neck. She smile and even wider smile that I ever thought could be humanly possible and whispered; "It's a very good thing for you he just happens to a cousin of mine."

"Oh?"

In what I now think was hilarious display of triumph Ms. Crumble threw herself onto her feet and unto her desk all the while having her various things fly everywhere. "Yes!"

After a beat she calmed down and sat back in her chair again with an apologetic look on her face. "I'm so sorry I don't know what came over me. Anyway, his name is Kirkgaurd Blurterknocker and he looking for talent for a play he has be working on for years!"

She leaned forward yet again this time twisting the doll's neck very earnestly while she smiled at me this time with a smile I have yet to this day have been able to decipher.

"I can only see that you …and school have been given a great opportunity. One that happens only in a lifetime! You'll be able to go to a new country, be able to earn credits for things you're doing already and still do the thing you dream of most."

"You think this a dream of mine?" I knew the answer to that of course but still being a bit tense from my secret getting out I did not want to seem too excited about what this meant.

Before she could answer my obviously baited question her cell phone rang and she answered it.

"Hello. Oh it you! Are you in Tokyo right now? Wonderful!"

Ms. Crumble sounded ever more cheery as she held her phone against her shoulder while continuing to ring the doll's neck which was by then thoroughly thinned out and worn.

"You'll never guess who I'm speaking with… well of course I'm speaking with her."

From what I heard next was perhaps shocking because on the other line a man's voice was going ballistic on her.

" Um, well now wait minute, let me…WOULD YOU SHUT UP FOR 5 FREAKING SECONDS!"

I remember very clearly that the poor bunny rabbit's head flew off of it's stuffed body and straight out of the office's second story window. Ms. Crumble was no longer smiling and her face was a crimson red.

After taking a deep breath she told whom ever she was speaking with that she needed to do something really quick. After setting the cell phone on her desk she rushed me out the door and slowly closed it all the while watching me like one of those nosey neighbors looking through the blinds on their windows.

After a moment of confusion staring at Ms. Crumble's door for a second I shrugged the event off as good fortune for I didn't need to tarry with her any longer and headed back to my class. I did not go, however, without noticing the weird smiles I got from each administer I passed by.

Lucky the day ended fairly quickly and at last I was able to walk home with my friends. Yugi and Joey were talking about dueling strategies and Honda was staring off into space again, probably thing about Joey's sister Serenity.

No sooner were we about to leave the school campus when I heard Ms. Crumble yelling my name. She had motioned me to come and speak with her. Deciding it was best to find out what she wanted and not to occur the wrath of the clearly mental woman I began to walk towards her. No sooner had I reached the middle of the road when I heard a screeching noise from a car…

Before I continue let me add that I hate cars. In fact many people don't know this but I prefer the feel and handle of a motorcycle to a car any day. However my parents would have never allowed it and I don't think it would seem probable for me to have one at the time.

I don't remember much after that than seeing a lime green pick up truck swerve and target Ms. Crumble. The bright colored truck rammed full force into the poor women as she shrieked for the last time in her short existence. Now this wouldn't not be as traumatic as the rest of the things I have yet to tell you if it was not for the fact that the truck circled around and went over the dead women's body for a second time.

This time however I got a look at the driver and he wore a large coat were the collar went over his nose and a baseball cap that was worn over what appeared to gray wiry hair and a huge enormous one eye brow.

I remember clearly as I watched the truck turn the corner and disappear as quickly as it appeared; I felt a strange sense of dread and sadly it was not for Ms. Crumble but for myself.

I did not know it then but the car was owned by a late Albert Anderson whom my good friend, Mr. Snicket, sources have explained had an unfortunate happening come upon him.

For the late Mr. Anderson, a legal representative for an American branch for a top name company based in Tokyo, was found down to his underwear tied up in port-a-potty on a very busy construction site in down town Domino City.

We would have his account of the murder's appearance if it were not for the fact that very outdoor lavatory had suffered a terrible and smelly accident involving a bull dozer.

The poor man never had chance.

All of my friends rushed at my side while I still looked dumbfounded at the ended of the street were the truck had disappear in no long afterwards. Needless to say while Joey and Yugi were asking if I was ok and Honda dialing on his cell for help I looked toward the body of the then deceased Ms. Crumble.

I cannot recall anything after that moment of staring at the body that laid spread eagle on the concrete street.

No wait!

I remember one other thing and that was that the wind had blown, at that precise time, the decapitated head of the once fluffy bunny that was twisted off by the now deceased Ms. Crumble into my hands. I only remember black after that.

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Miserable Author's notes: again forgive me for the misery in which I caused upon you but then again I warned you…

Psychotic side note: while starting to complete the next round of decoding I discovered there maybe some rather unnerving associations and an inopportunely early departure…

Post psychotic side note: If you have any concerns over the pages that have been posted please use the 'review.' And do so in kindness please…


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